You can buy 55 gallons of lube on Amazon. If you want to know if it's worth buying, you can read a review by James O. Thach.
Thach likes to leave reviews, more akin to short stories, on bizarre Amazon products (like the aforementioned lube,Justin Bieber singing toothbrushes and fake vomit). But instead of merely trolling, he turns it into a creative writing exercise.
It all started when Amazon "recommended" he buy a $40,000 TV last November.
"My wife and I bought this after selling our daughter Amanda into white slavery," his comment begins. "Amanda, if you're reading this, hang in there, honey! We'll see you in a year."
And a trolling star was born. Currently, the lengthy comment has been rated by 23,062 people, 22,641 of whom "found it helpful." In his creative comments, Thach has pretended to be a wearymother of three boys (which lit up theInternet), a hardcore Ann Coulter fanand a judge who secretly loves mankinis.
Thach is a writer by trade. He's written three children's books, the last of which is The Seal Pup (which happens to have four and a half stars on Amazon).
Mashable chatted with this Internet wizard, and we found out that writing silly Amazon reviews can actually help you profit in the real world.
IMAGE: JAMES O. THACH
Mashable: What appeals to you about the format?
Thach: I like that you can write something and get a pretty immediate audience, and that the audience can comment. And I like how big the canvas is. Amazon sells just about everything, so there’s a lot of room to move. I also like that the stories are short. They’re like haiku, only not as boring.
Tell us about your career outside of Amazon. Are you a full-time children's author?
I’m a part-time children’s author. The last one I wrote (and my favorite) is The Seal Pup. I'm working on a couple of picture books and a new chapter book series. I really love doing that.
Beyond that, my career has been pretty much all education — running a tutoring company, working with kids with learning differences, and teaching students about environmental and energy issues. Why do I do it? I like the glamor and fast money.
Do you have more potential fans or customers because of the Amazon popularity?
Some people have emailed me through the website, telling me they like the reviews. And some of them have gone on to buy the books, and come back and said how much their kids enjoyed them. Which I think is awesome. If you can read the Amazon reviews and then say, 'I trust this man to entertain my children,' you’re my kind of people.
I’ve also gotten quite a few emails from people asking me to review their products. They’re clearly nuts.
How do you pick the items you review?
It’s a very scientific process. It involves algorithms, random Amazon searches and people suggesting stuff. Mainly those last two.
How long does it take to write reviews?
That varies a lot. Sometimes an hour, sometimes quite a bit longer. A really long one, like the 55 gallon drum of lube or the John Mayer album, might take a day. Most of the time I tinker with a few for a week, on and off, until I think they’re funny.
What has been your favorite review thus far?
Oh, man. Choices. I really love that first one, about the Samsung TV. And I love the one about Cardamom. And the axe murderer. And the Bieber one's pretty funny. And the Kleenex one…
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